I said in my last post that Mondays do not suck, but I can think of a few other things that do most definitely suck: (yep, the beginning of this post is a big ol’ pity party, skip about half way down if you’re over it)
-Falling on the stairs AGAIN, seeing the huge bruise and wondering if it will turn into another abscess and hospital visit.
-Screwing up in your motherly duties. Mom guilt.
-Eating gak. ‘Nuff said.
-Being lost in precalculus 2 class. Oh, and mistaking the class start time for a half hour later. (Gotta check that schedule!!)
-Cutting the corner to tightly and hitting the gas a little too hard and running into a snow bank on one side of the drive. And squashing the end of the ugly, almost-dead holly bush at the end of the drive.
-Feeling socially awkward, anxious, and leaning towards becoming a hermit again. I wanted to go to a geocaching event tomorrow, but I’m feeling scared about not knowing anyone, so I’m not going. I hate doing that, because I KNOW that I would be fine and nobody would think I was a weirdo, but when I’m feeling that way, I just cannot talk myself out of it. Poor timing.
It seems as though I’m not myself lately. I’ve been sad, unmotivated, feeling like a shitty mom. I know that I’m not a bad mom, but that mom guilt when you mess up things can hit you pretty hard. I’m trying to shake it. I’ve been talking to Mr. Dawn about it. He’s been encouraging. I find just talking honestly about what I’m feeling/thinking is great to do. Maybe my meds are off? But see, that’s where it gets tricky. Do I really need a med adjustment every time the blues strike? No. However, it is scary when you know you have a mental disorder to ride it out. Because it can get bad fast. And it’s always in the back of your head. Is it just a few days of feeling down, or is it a bipolar cycle/depression developing?
Getting it out in writing really helps. I don’t much think about who specifically is reading, I think it’s more cathartic. Maybe I should start a journal so you lovely readers aren’t subjected to every up and down my mood takes!
Anyway, on to some things that don’t suck so I can shake the depressing thoughts:
-Bloody, scabby knuckles from going balls out in kickboxing. Must remember to put gloves on even in kickboxing!! I had my hands wrapped, but I skipped the gloves because I thought it wouldn’t be so much punching work. Regardless, I was quite proud to show them off to anyone who would listen/look!!
-Coupons for free eggs at the grocery store. We eat a LOT of eggs here at Primal Dawn Headquarters.
-Spiffy new glasses from Zenni Optical:
-Having a friend tell you what an amazing, strong woman they think you are, and how they look up to you. At. Just. The. Right. Time.
-Watching your 8 year old bust your chops and get quite a kick out of exchanging verbal jabs with you. It may have ended in, “Mom. You suck.” But I still felt the love. He seems to be inheriting my sarcastic, teasing sense of humor.
-Having same 8 year old tell you that when they read Charlotte’s Web in class, he cried really hard when Charlotte died. And that he was the only one. He’s also inherited mama’s soft heart. I hope he keeps it, but guards it well.