I have my first appointment with the allergist today. It’s got me feeling a little blue. I have so many docs to keep up with now. Primary, gyno, gastro, allergist, rheumatologist, ortho, ….and I think that’s it. I think.
I am struggling with this feeling of alienation from my body. Like it’s turned on me and I don’t know how to communicate to it or receive messages other than, “Something’s wrong”. I am not usually down like this, but I think it’s important to acknowledge not-so-happy feelings along with the good stuff. I am sick of being sick. I have a bad day at least once a week. But along with this negativity that I’m susceptible to also comes major hope that these doctors and I will figure it out. That we are on the right track . I do feel like things have been coming to a head for years now. Looking back I can see subtle signs that things were “off”. So along with the “woe is me” comes a grateful attitude. Grateful because although this illness sucks monkey butt, the big flare up and infection that sent me to the hospital got us started on the path to finally figure this out. And that will ultimately be a good thing.
School starts tomorrow!! Eek! I have chemistry and precalculus 2. The math is a night class. I SOOOO did not want to take a night class. I hate schlepping around at night. My girl S (my ex-stepdaughter, remember??) is watching my boys until Mr. Dawn gets home from work. I am super excited. I am also a little bummed that I messed up confirming my schedule in time and I lost my creative writing class. I always try to take one class that’s just for fun, for me. I tried to work another art class in, but it’s just not happening with the schedule. So…I’m taking that as a sign that I have enough on my plate. I’m okay with that. The universe is telling me “that’s enough”. Okey-dokey artichokey.