What’s the rarity? Me. A classy bar. A few friends. No kids. No Mr. Dawn. No curfew. No booze.

It was a recipe for fun. Although it was a little weird to start with. First my friend D came over for dinner. She hung out and read books to my kids and we chatted. Then we went to pick up D’s sister E, who lives about a quarter mile from me. E is nice enough, but we’re never gonna be buddies, even if she does live so close and her sister’s moving to Texas in a few months. We are just different. Well, I casually asked where she’s working now. She is a nurse and I actually ran into her once at the little one’s school. She was a day nurse for one of the little one’s classmates. So anyway, I asked  and she WOULDN’T TELL ME. It was so weird. She was in the bathroom so we were kinda yelling across her apartment. Well, D and I just looked at each other and we both mouthed ‘weird’ to each other. I guess maybe because she’s going through a divorce now, she maybe doesn’t want her soon-to-be exhubby to know where she works??? But I hate her husband. Seriously, I’ve seen him like 4 times at get-togethers at D’s house and he’s an asshole. As far as I know, everyone hated the guy. So, yeah, like I’m gonna tell on her….

Then we get in our cars. I’m driving myself cuz I’m antisocial and awkward and need an escape route. D is riding with E. Well, first of all, we’re running late. I cannot stand being late. Seriously HATE it. I start to twitch. So then E mentions she needs gas. I’m like, “Awesome. We can be even later.” Did I mention we have another girl to pick up? So on our way toward the girl, she passes two gas stations, then turns in the opposite direction of the other girl to a different farther-away gas station. Did I mention we’re late? So she gets there, can’t even pull up to the pump right, has to have the gas-pumper wave her into position. I’m starting to wonder now how she gets through life. So we’re off to pick up L. Well, we start driving in circles, E doesn’t use turn signals either, and she’s changing lanes and making turns and I’m thinking, “She does realize someone is attempting to follow her, right??” I’m starting a mantra in my head. It sounds something like, “I should have just stayed home. I should have just stayed home. I want to go home.” But I’m trying to be positive. After about 10 minutes, and stopping at the side of the road with her frickin’ hazards on (yeah, no turn signals, but we need hazards to stop on the side of the road to figure out where we’re going?)…we finally find L, standing out in her driveway. She waves, and I wave back, but I can’t help noticing something’s off. D, E, and I are wearing nice dresses and heels. L, she’s in denim capris, a tank, and flip-flops. Whoopsie! I felt a little bad for her. I hoped she wouldn’t feel out of place.

So we’re off! I kid you not: E’s brake lights were on the ENTIRE time. We were on a major highway, she even passed someone, and the lights never went out. I spent the ride mesmerized by the red glow and trying to rack my brains as to why the hell that would be. Was she riding the brake, even when speeding up to pass someone? Did she have her emergency brake on? It was getting to me!!! Why the hell were her lights on??? And also, if I were a cop, which her sister D is, I would have pulled her ass over in a heartbeat. She could not stay in the lane. She was on one line, then on the other, drifting all over the place. I was never more happy to be all alone in my car, in complete control, listening to NPR:) We get there in one piece, and I had sooo many smart-ass sarcastic comments in my head, but I bit my tongue. Hard. Oh, and I forgot to mention, she noticed my kinda large back-piece  (I was wearing a low-back dress), and she was shocked. Really? You’re younger than me and tattoos are still shocking to you? I smiled and went with it, describing how excited I was to get my half-sleeve started. It was fun.

We go in, and it’s a kind of nice place, but I’m already picking dudes out in my head and saying, “You’re a douche. You’re a douche. You are definitely a douche….” Yeah. I’m antisocial and awkward. And apparently very mean in my head! But I’m smiling. I’m just glad to be with my bff. She actually gets me. Even if the other two don’t. So we sit and I have water (no booze!) and D and I split some sushi, half a lobster (meh…I can still live without it), and an heirloom tomato and fresh mozzarella salad. Yum! And yes, I had a little rice in my sushi roll and it was totally worth it! We were chatting, and D mentions that L is going to church with her tomorrow and would I like to go. I casually mention that I’m not so sure I believe in God anymore. She was like, “Really? Why?” Now you have to know some background here. My father and uncle are born again, and have completely changed their lives for the better. My father is so cool and peaceful and accepting, he’s just awesome. And my uncle was a raging alcoholic drug-addict and has been clean and sober for years now. They inspired me. I wanted some of what they had. Well, I started exploring and reading the bible and praying, and then the little one was born and that was hell on earth, so I tried even harder. I had prayer circles going for the little one all over the country. So, fast forward to today, and the light never came on for me. I kept waiting for this change in me or for something to ‘click’ and it honestly just never happened. And I tried. Anyways, I explain how I kinda struggle with feeling a like a hypocrite for leaning on religion during my darkest days (when the little one was so ill), and then abandoning it when it no longer suited me. So D tell me I need to talk to E about that. I’m thinking, “Really? Do I have to?” These things never go well, in my experience. So E proceeds to try to brainwash me. I tell her about science and stuff and how it conflicts with my idea of some omniscient god up there taking care of us. She tells me to not believe everything I read or see on the History Channel. Well, then in the same breath she starts to tell me of documented books and videos of people who have gone on to see Hell, and come back and are telling us all about it. So I mentioned something about not believing everything I read or saw;) LOL. That shut her up. The she asked if I believed in the devil. I said that if I don’t believe in God, then why would I believe there is a devil? She kinda opened and closed her mouth without saying anything, like a fish gasping for air. That pretty much shut the conversation down. It was boring anyway. Who wants to get involved in a deep religious discussion at a swanky bar with dance music playing???

So we ate, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more. Then the check came and they wanted to go dance. I skipped out before the dancing part. Mama don’t dance. At least not sober.  Another funny moment: One of our other friends who was there but not at our table came up and was telling us she had a designated driver and was going to get f***ed up tonight. Really? How old are you?? And aren’t you the one D was telling me has an alcoholic husband at home and a shell of a marriage? So fast forward to the end of dinner. She’s back and you can definitely tell she’d had a few. She picked at our food, then stumbled off onto the dance floor. I was never more proud of my new sobriety:) And I woke up bright and early with no hangover. Nice!

So basically the whole experience was ‘kinda fun’ but it only reinforced for me why I am so antisocial. It would have been the funniest thing ever to have had a video from my perspective, with my thoughts being spoken out loud. I put on a nice face and mingle with others, but inside I’m often bitter and complicated. Would I go again? Yes. I think it’s good for me:) And it was really cool to hang with my bff D. We may be different, but we just ‘get’ each other. No judgments. I can’t really say the same for my companions at the table. I even told E that since she lived so close we should hang out some time. But I didn’t really mean it. I think she knew it too. But it felt like an obligation. I mean, she really lives right around the corner. The whole time she was spouting off about religion (you can never have a decent objective conversation about it with someone when they are like that), I was thinking in my head that she should shut the f*** up, just shut the f*** up cuz you have no idea what I’m talking about!!!! She just didn’t get it, and she didn’t want to, she was just focused on trying to save me. I don’t think I need saving:)

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